A friend called me recently from her car. She was parked, crying. Just got out of the doctor’s office. She doesn’t feel the same anymore, no terrible terminal illness- it was just everything else: no sleep, a brain that won’t hold a thought, a body that suddenly feels like someone else’s, and that quiet voice asking, What is wrong with me?
I understood her completely, because I’ve been there. I can’t even count the times I’ve sat in my closet crying, not even sure what I was crying about, just wondering what on earth was going on with me.
So to my friend, and to you: I feel you. I relate. And you are not alone.
And then, lo and behold, about a week after that call, a colleague sent me an email with a brand-new research paper on menopause. Canadian research, no less. I read it and thought, okay, this is a calling. It felt like the universe telling me to write about this and spread the word, so here I am.
What the New Science Says
A new review in Science (October 2026), led by Canadian researchers at CAMH and the University of Toronto, says out loud what so many of us have felt. Menopause is not “just aging,” and it is not one single experience. It’s a whole-body hormonal shift. Estrogen and progesterone receptors sit on almost every organ, including the brain, heart, bones, muscles and skin. When those hormones change, you feel it everywhere.
The highlights:
- Up to 72 symptoms, not just hot flashes. Hot flashes and night sweats affect about 80% of us, but they’re only the start. Most people can have about seven symptoms at the same time. The most common ones involve the brain: brain fog, forgetfulness, trouble concentrating, irritability and mood swings, each reported in up to 80% of cases. If you’ve walked into a room and forgotten why, or snapped at someone you love and didn’t know where it came from, you’re not alone.
- “I don’t feel like myself.” About 64% of people in the transition say they don’t feel like themselves more than half the time. That’s not a small group, it’s most of us.
- Mood and mental health are part of it. Depressive symptoms show up in about 10–30% of people who have never been depressed before, and in 45–65% of those who have. Anxiety and hot flashes can feed each other. Yet the paper notes that mental health symptoms are often missed, because appointments tend to focus on physical symptoms.
- Sleep takes a hit. Night sweats break up sleep, and poor sleep makes brain fog and mood even worse. It becomes a cycle that wears you down.
- It doesn’t just stop after a year or two. Symptoms last an average of 7.4 years, and about a third of women aged 65–79 still have hot flashes. The authors argue that care shouldn’t stop on a fixed timeline either.
- Your whole body is involved. The transition often brings more belly fat, less muscle and lower bone density. Joint pain and stiffness are common, including frozen shoulder. These changes affect your heart, your metabolism and even your brain health later in life.
- Timing matters. Earlier menopause, before 45, and surgical menopause are linked with higher long-term risks for heart disease, osteoporosis and dementia. That makes this stage a real window to take care of ourselves.
In Canada, we feel it. One in two Canadian women feel unprepared for menopause, and 38% say they feel alone going through it. About 10% of women leave their jobs because of their symptoms.
Help exists, but most of us never get it. Fewer than 15% of women with symptoms get treatment, even though effective options exist. Hormone therapy alone comes in more than 200 versions, and newer non-hormonal medicines are available too.
Research has left us behind. Menopause takes up about 40% of a woman’s life, yet only about 0.2% of North American health research funding over 15 years went to it. Most medical schools don’t have a dedicated menopause curriculum.
Why We Keep It to Ourselves
This affects anyone with ovaries who lives long enough. So why do so many of us cry in cars and closets?
Sometimes it’s avoidance. We’re busy holding everything together, and admitting “I’m not okay” feels like one more job.
Sometimes we just don’t know. Less than half of women know that memory problems, anxiety and body aches can be part of menopause. Most medical schools don’t even have a dedicated menopause curriculum. No wonder so many of us feel dismissed.
So we internalize it. We decide we’re too tired, or wait until it gets better, or losing it, or just getting old. We push harder and hide.
Hear me on this: it is not a character flaw. It is biology, and it deserves care.
So send the text. Make the call. Chances are your friend is in her own closet right now.
In Part 2, we’ll talk about what to actually do next: choosing the care you need, and why now is the time to move.